You're the Boss by Benjamin Sobieck

Author’s note: This piece is best read with a lighter in your hand.

Hey. What’s goin’ on? Good to see ya, boss. What was you doing outside before ya got in here? Did you smoke a extra fat one before ya came in? ‘Cause you got a bunch of lighters in your hand.

Yeah, I’ll mind my own fuckin’ business then. You’re the boss. But there’s some business we needs to be attendin’ to.

Those three people tied to the chair over there ain't dead, boss. Why'd you ask? You want 'em to be dead? They're just keepin' still. I would keep still, too, if someone broke my nose and put a black sack over my head and tied me to a chair.

Huh-ha. Black sack. No, I didn't tea bag 'em. I ain't no fag.

Stinks like shit in this garage, by the way.

So there's three of 'em all tied up to chairs for ya. One of them three owes ya the money. But you never told me which one. I just got all three and brought 'em here. I'm looking forward to gettin' my cut of the money. Got smokes to smoke.

But none of 'em is talkin'. Figures. They all punks. They all punks who disrespected you. But only one of ‘em got the money. No one fuckin’ disrespects you, boss.

So whaddya wanna do with 'em? I seen this show on TV about torture. It gave me more better ways to ask questions, know what I mean? Like water boarding. I never got why you'd hit someone with a wet piece of plywood.

Huh-ha. Wet wood.

Shit, though, boss. Could you have picked a fresher garage? It reeks like fuckin' burnt hair or sumthin' in here. Like the time me 'n' Mikey used to tie up cats and light 'em on fire down by the bridge.

Huh-ha. Cats are dumb.

So anyway, one of 'em has your money. You want me to start on the first one? OK, I'll start. You’re the boss.

I grab him like this. And I twist this. And pop that. And, oh shit, he's a bleeder. Fuck, it's all over the floor.

You want me to keep going? OK, but I don't think this guy has much left in him.

Nope, he didn't have much left at all. This one's dead. So he must not have had the money, right? 'Cause you wouldn't've wanted me to kill him, right? Fuck, what am I thinking to question you? You’re the boss.

So I’ll get on this second one. I'll grab his neck like this and...

Oh shit, this one died, too.

Fuck, that's two out of three people. You must know this third guy is the one who owes ya the money, right?

That stink in here keeps getting worse. What's that smell, boss?

Anyway, let me rough this last guy up and find out where he's got the money, then get the fuck out of this fuckin' colon of a garage.

So I'll punch him like this. And kick him like that. And smacketh him this way.

He ain't talkin', boss.

I can't keep going, this one's gonna die. And then you don't get your money. And then I don't get my cut.

OK, boss, I'll keep going. Are you sure about this?

Fuck, boss. This last one died, too. Whaddya gonna do now? Now we'll never know who had the money. What the fuck are you tryin' to do?

Oh shit. I see why it reeks like shit in here. This thing is on fire. Shit, shit, shit. We gotta get out.

Boss? Boss? Where're ya goin', boss? Uh, boss?

Boss? Don't leave me in here. Don't lock the door.

B-boss, I...I'm so s-sorry. I never meant to take the mmmoney before ya got here. I'll give it back if you, please, just unlock the door. Please, I'll do anything.

The flames are getting really bad. Please.

Boss?

Huh-ha.

Huh. Ha.

Huh.

Ha.

You’re the boss.

About the Author: Benjamin Sobieck satisfies his pyromania at
http://www.benjaminsobieck.webs.com. His crime novel, Cleansing Eden, will be
published November 2010 by Shadow Line Press.