Unkle Kooky’s Kartoon Kavalkade by Jimmy Callaway

Bob was snoring as George let himself into the control room.


Bob’s Cubs hat remained pulled down over his eyes. A thin line of drool threatened to break from his chin.


“Aah!” Bob’s feet slid off the CCU. “Jesus, man. Give me a heart attack.”

“C’mon, man,” George said, “The fuckin’ Hockenberger’s promo’s almost over. It’s the old guy’s last show, let’s try not to louse it up for him, all right?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Bob said, “Who’s even gonna notice?”

“Just cue Jerry.”

Exhaling, Bob put on his headset. “Jerry? You all set down there?”

“Yeah,” came the staticky reply followed by a yawn, “Let’s make television history.”

“Standing by,” Bob said. George took a heavy seat at the monitor bank and scratched his balls. Bob said, “And three, two, one...”

“Heeeey, kids! Well, as you all know, this is my last show. That’s right. Your old Unkle Kooky is being retired after...after the best thirty years of his life. I know we’re all sad, but c’mon! Let’s turn those frowns upside-down!

“And heeeey, kids! Before I go...for good...I’d like to introduce my new friend. A very special new friend—a .38 special! Let’s see what kind of fun we can have with it!”

Bob looked at George.

George looked at the phones.

The phones began ringing. They would not stop for some time.

Jimmy Callaway lives and works at attentionchildren.blogspot.com


Paul D. Brazill said...

Ka ka Pow! Beaut!

Laura Roberts said...

Great last two lines. I just said, "Oh, Jimmy," when I got to them, and my husband was like "What about him?" so I made him read it too.

Jake said...

Yes, Unkle Kooky flips his shit. Ha!

Anonymous said...

good stuff for such a shortie--love the title.


Bill Baber said...

sweet!!! much better than Krusty the Klown.

Stephen said...

good story

Stephen said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ben Sobieck said...

Is it weird that imagined Jerry Lewis offing himself in one of his Labor Day telethons?