See, when you shoot a guy through the top of his head you’d better make sure you’re shooting straight down; otherwise a low velocity slug like a forty-five can ricochet off a bone and go most anywhere it wants to -- especially when you’re holding your damn gun sideways, fer chri'sake. In a nutshell, that’s what happened. The slug went through the top of the mark’s skull, bounced off his right jawbone, blew sideways through his left one and punched a hole in my pants as big as a tennis ball.
I woke up staring at overhead hospital lights and green masked faces looking down at me. It’s okay, one of them said. The operation was a success. From his point of view, it was. From mine, not so much.
And that’s why I'm tending bar in this shithole town and telling you this story. It don’t make no difference anyhow. It’s been forty years ago last Sunday. All the people involved with that hit back then are dead now. The kid caught the last ride on Old Sparky up at Leavenworth. The rest of them ended up dying in jail thanks to my testimony. Yeah, my testimony. The way it was, the way I’d finished up back then, the only thing I could do, was take the federals up on their witness protection deal.
Might have worked out different. I might have wound up rich and retired over in Europe. Might have done a lot of things. Except, laying there in that damn bed, I knew I’d never make another hit.
I knew, thanks to that fucking rookie, I just didn’t have the balls for the game anymore.
AJ Hayes lives in a small town near San Diego, California, where there is no mafia . . . now. He misses stuff like "Old Vegas" and guys with Fedoras, cigars and bad attitudes. You can find his stuff at places like Shotgun Honey, A Twist Of Noir, Yellow Mama, The Hardnosed Sleuth, Muck and Muse, Title Fights and Flashshot. One of his stories will can be found in Pulp Ink, an anthology edited by Chris Rhatagin and Nigel Bird. He was interviewed on Chinwag At The Slaughterouse by Richard Godwin and interviewed himself at Nigel bird's Sea Minor website.
27 comments:
I just didn't have the balls for the game anymore
Classic ending to a great piece of flash, AJ. Nice one.
Thanks for sending it my way!
Lovely stuff, as always. Just brilliant!
That unmistakeable AJ Hayes voice, funny and bitter and tough as nails. Solid stuff.
Brilliant!
Mike Miner summed it up perfectly. Great tale.
Perfect tone, with a flawless last line. Short, sweet, slight psychotic. Just how I like 'em. Well done!
Your work has a feel all of its own. Cracking last line, too.
What I really love about this story is the whiplash effect that comes after the scene in the hospital and starts with the scene of the narrator tending bar.
And it's all down to the setup, making one assume that the grizzly old vet is going to take his shot at the wet-behind-the-ears rookie.
Nicely played, AJ.
short, sweet and perfect.
Ouch! So does that mean two balls blown into his side pocket?
Anyway, nice grit in this tale. Enjoyed it.
smooth as silk narration throughout and the whole shooting through the top of the head bit was a grat touch. Lot's of excellent lines in there, this one I liked especially.
The kid caught the last ride on Old Sparky up at Leavenworth"
Ouch! Being of the female persuasion, I didn't catch the meaning of the final line, until reading Angel's comment. It's hard to be a hit man, if you don't have the balls. The kid deserved a "ride on Old Sparky" after that foulup.
Man, what a classy crowd of talent! To say I'm chuffed would be the understatement of the year. Very cool.
Leave it to eagle-eyes Sean Patrick to get the same voltage outta "The kid caught the last ride on Old Sparky up at Leavenworth." as I sure did. But that's all AJ, fedora and finesse -- one line zap-pow-whammo -- right in the kisser (or through the top of the head - eeeeewwwh) and the pileup is winding up right behind. So much so, you're caught up in the crazy cool ride and forget how swell this tough guy tells a tale rounding all the bases along the way -- then . . .
. . . big boffo finish - the Rookie lost the game balls. Hot Hayes, hittin' 'em outta da park.
Say David? You got any beer around here?
~ Absolutely*Kate
Now that's what I call an ending with stones.
Strong and bitter. Just like the drinks he serves.
Like with all AJ's stories, this one leaves me glad to be alive.
And I think Old Sparky & Big Yellow Mama oughtta get together...
Court, Tom, Cindy and AK. Now there's a hand to draw to. Thanks pals, you now it means a lot.
Tight as it comes Bill. You balance humorous and dark material to great effect.
Hilarious, AJ... you set me up for that sucker punch like a champ!
Thanks Richard and Thomas. It's cool when writers like you guys my stuff.
This piece oozes with personality. I can hear his black, cig-torched throat croaking as he tells this story. I'm right there in the bar with him, sharing whiskey doubles. You really sucked me into this one, Mr. Hayes.
David Harry Moss said-
AJ - Excellent story - read it more than once and felt the pain each time -
The hallmark of an AJ story: Entertaining on EVERY single level!
Ben, David and Daz, thanks guys. Means a lot to me.
AJ Hayes, that was damn near perfect!!
Great voice, I love the matter-of-fact way he describes what happened, it makes the situation even funnier. Last line was both hilarious ad brilliant!!
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