Glenn Gray is the MAN by Rey A. Gonzalez

Seriously. The Man.

I should have told him I like hookers. Let me tell you why.

So this guy, Glenn, sends me a story. It's about Butta. Weird, right? Yeah, I thought so, too. I looked at it, I liked it, and I told him so. Even posted it on the site.

But hold on. The story was cool, but that's not why Glenn Gray is The Man. There's more.

So Glenn and I shoot the shit for a few days. Dude puts me through Hell with fixing his story up and I have to take the two minutes out of my day that it took to correct a few things with it. TWO MINUTES! I have a woman who I could have pleasured for those two minutes. You might think I'm a chump for that, but trust me -- two minutes is all it takes.

He tells me thanks. I tell him no problem. He tells me he wants to show his appreciation. I tell him don't worry about it. He tells me he wants to know what I like. I tell him send me beer and smokes. I give him my address like a moron and spend the next week hunkered down in my house with loaded weapons all around me and a death stare on my face. I didn't even eat. I didn't even shower. A whole week.

Then the UPS guy knocks on my door and almost gets shot. Gives me a box, I sign a paper, and send his brown shorts wearing ass packing.

By then, I was ready for anything. The box was from Glenn alright. I wonder what it could be. Glenn is a strange name. Any Glen that I've ever known that added an extra N to his name was bad news. Seriously, I knew a Glenn once and he was a dick.

But I throw caution to the wind and slice the box open with a bayonet. And I damn near shat myself over what was inside......

A tall boy o' beer! COLD!
Not one, but TWO small bottles o' tequila! (Glenn probably noticed my last name...)
A pack of smokes!
A cigar! No shit! A fucking cigar!!

So here I am, smoking my smokes and drinking my drink. Posting stories for all to read. Glenn Gray is officially our Flash Fiction Offensive sponsor. He knows the power of vice over me.

I should have told him I liked hookers.

And that, my friends, is why Glenn Gray is The Man.



Rey A. Gonzalez lives in the South. He has had stories published in Out of the Gutter Magazine, Thuglit, Satanic Lust, Diabolic Tales, local newspapers, college rags and bathroom walls. He is the editor of The Flash Fiction Offensive, and an assistant editor for Out of the Gutter Magazine. He has just finished writing up his first novel and is editing the bastards. He likes beer and smokes. Send him both.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Yes, he is da man. Glenn is one of the freshest hardcore writers on the net today.
Anonymous-9

Christopher Pimental said...

Someone's definitely gonna send you a dead hooker now.

Rey A. Gonzalez said...

Make sure she's blonde with big titties. The titty size may be a deal breaker...

Glenn Gray said...

Still laughing my ass off on this one.

And I think you're spot on with this Glenn thing. Any Glenn I've known has also been a dick, and the one or two N thing doesn't really matter. Reminds me of that movie, The Wedding Singer, with Adam Sandler. I could see them in casting, having to choose a name for Drew Barrymore's real dick of a fiance. Someone finally screamed, "I got it - Glenn!" And they all said, "Perfect!"

Bruce Harris said...

Well done, Glenn. And Rey, way to go writing about it! I'd be a little worried, though, if the UPS man brings you another package on Valentine's Day.

Rey A. Gonzalez said...

I got a package for HIM, he comes back, Bruce. I got it covered.



And on a serious note, it really was a cool thing to do. I know that he must have gone out of his way to do it. He didn't have to, but he did and I thank him for it.

Even if he did add an extra N to his name. Freak show.

Paul D. Brazill said...

Glenn Grey is actually a figment of his own very ripe imagination. I mean, if he was real, well...

bradleycarroll said...

Had to go tellin everybody about your novel, dincha? Now I'll never get to see it ya bastard...