I should have told him I like hookers. Let me tell you why.
So this guy, Glenn, sends me a story. It's about Butta. Weird, right? Yeah, I thought so, too. I looked at it, I liked it, and I told him so. Even posted it on the site.
But hold on. The story was cool, but that's not why Glenn Gray is The Man. There's more.
So Glenn and I shoot the shit for a few days. Dude puts me through Hell with fixing his story up and I have to take the two minutes out of my day that it took to correct a few things with it. TWO MINUTES! I have a woman who I could have pleasured for those two minutes. You might think I'm a chump for that, but trust me -- two minutes is all it takes.
He tells me thanks. I tell him no problem. He tells me he wants to show his appreciation. I tell him don't worry about it. He tells me he wants to know what I like. I tell him send me beer and smokes. I give him my address like a moron and spend the next week hunkered down in my house with loaded weapons all around me and a death stare on my face. I didn't even eat. I didn't even shower. A whole week.
Then the UPS guy knocks on my door and almost gets shot. Gives me a box, I sign a paper, and send his brown shorts wearing ass packing.
By then, I was ready for anything. The box was from Glenn alright. I wonder what it could be. Glenn is a strange name. Any Glen that I've ever known that added an extra N to his name was bad news. Seriously, I knew a Glenn once and he was a dick.
But I throw caution to the wind and slice the box open with a bayonet. And I damn near shat myself over what was inside......
A tall boy o' beer! COLD!
Not one, but TWO small bottles o' tequila! (Glenn probably noticed my last name...)
A pack of smokes!
A cigar! No shit! A fucking cigar!!
So here I am, smoking my smokes and drinking my drink. Posting stories for all to read. Glenn Gray is officially our Flash Fiction Offensive sponsor. He knows the power of vice over me.
I should have told him I liked hookers.
And that, my friends, is why Glenn Gray is The Man.
Rey A. Gonzalez lives in the South. He has had stories published in Out of the Gutter Magazine, Thuglit, Satanic Lust, Diabolic Tales, local newspapers, college rags and bathroom walls. He is the editor of The Flash Fiction Offensive, and an assistant editor for Out of the Gutter Magazine. He has just finished writing up his first novel and is editing the bastards. He likes beer and smokes. Send him both.