Lipstick by Michael Pelc

"Now Mrs. Macauley, the District Attorney would have us believe, from the evidence he has presented here in court today, that you shot your husband simply because he came home from work one night with lipstick on his shirt. Is that correct?"

"No, it is not."

"Isn't it true, in fact, that your husband worked for Foxy Lady Cosmetics, in their manufacturing plant, and that he would often come home with lipstick on his clothes?"

"Yes, that's right."

"And so there was really nothing out of the ordinary when he came home on the night of the twenty-seventh with some lipstick on his shirt, was there? In point of fact, it was something that had happened perhaps hundreds of times before. Is that correct?"

"Hundreds of times? Yes, I would say that's probably about right."

"And, of all those hundreds of other times that Mr. Macauley came home from a long, hard day of work at his manufacturing job with the Foxy Lady Cosmetics company, did you ever pick up a gun and shoot him simply because he had some lipstick on his collar?"

"On his collar? No, of course not. It was the lipstick on his underpants that pissed me off."

Michael Pelc lives near a coast somewhere. When he's not out measuring the rise
of the sea level, he stays inside and writes very short stories, some of which
have appeared in A Twist of Noir, MicroHorror, and Thrillers, Killers and


Glenn Gray said...

Fast and funny!

Rey A. Gonzalez said...

It reminded me of jokes drunk folks tell me at the bar. Good times.

Bill Baber said...

that'll get you every time!

Mark Raymond Falk said...

I agree with Rey that it sounds like a good drunk joke, but it also sounds like the beginning of a novel.

Bruce Harris said...

"Let me explain, honey. It's not at all what you're thinking. You see.." Next thing you know, there's a job opening at the Foxy Lady.

Paul D. Brazill said...

Ba daah! Good one!

Shannon Schuren said...

Loved this! And all-dialogue to boot. Nice work.

bradleycarroll said...

This reminds me of a joke that maybe my dad would tell.