I don’t know if he knew I was boning his wife for a long time or not. I mean I wasn’t boning her for very long and I don’t know if he knew the whole time or if he just found out that day is what I meant.
Anyway he walked in on us there in the basement. He had a gun and he made her tie my hands around a pipe with my belt and he told her to get lost.
I mean, she was half naked and running out of there with her top on backwards and trying to pull her jeans up and her bra and panties were still on the floor and she had one high heel in her teeth and the other one in her back pocket.
I think that’s what started him laughing. She looked so fucking scared he just started laughing his ass off. Laughing with his voice and body but not with his eyes, you know? She always said he was fucking nuts and I saw it right then and I’ll tell you what, she was right. Guys don’t scare me, but this guy was one I knew I had to watch because he had my ass in a sling right there and if I wanted to leave I was going to have to do what he said. Up to a point. Know what I mean?
So I’m stark ass fucking naked and tied up facing this fucking drain pipe that comes down the wall from upstairs and I’m trying to watch this fucker over my shoulders and he keeps moving around. And he’s laughing the whole fucking time. And he starts talking. “You like my wife’s pussy?” and “She suck your dick, good?” and he’s walking back and forth like how a dog in a run will just go back and forth ‘til the end of time or whatever.
I give up on watching him because he’s really into this talking thing which I do not understand at all. Why would you want to know that kind of shit? He seems to enjoy it though, because when I do glance over my shoulder at him he’s grinning like fucking Jim Carrey on crack. Made me nervous I have to admit.
But then he says something like “I like pussy too, but I also like a nice tight asshole every now and then.” I’m thinking, oh no motherfucker I will kill your ass if you try that shit on me. Do not even think about that shit, man.
He comes over, and he puts his hand on my ass, and he gives it a little pat and says, you know, “Nice,” or some shit while he grins that lunatic fucking grin over my shoulder.
I start pulling on the belt and kicking backwards at him and just fucking kind of going apeshit, and it’s like she did a really good job at tying me because I can’t even move the knot and it’s cutting into my wrists and shit. He has to jump back and that starts him laughing again.
He’s laughing and saying, “What the fuck kinda guy are you man? You fuck my wife and you won’t even let me get a little of your shit on my dick?” and shit like that. Real fucking hilarious. He comes over close again and says, “She tell you I did time? What do you think I was doing for pussy up there?”
So I say, “It will be your death motherfucker. I will kill you.” And I kick out, and this time I connect, kind of high on his body and not like a leg or nothing. And he makes a sound so I know I got him good, maybe in the nuts.
He kind of goes away and I try finding him, but even if I stretch my arms as far as I can I can’t see him because it’s dark in there. I’m figuring he’s pretty pissed off and everything is about to get very serious, you know what I’m saying? I mean he has a fucking gun, dude.
Oh man, the next thing I hear is him unbuckling his belt. And I think for a second he’s going to whip me with it, but then I hear the zipper. And then I hear him coming up behind me and he’s breathing hard. He’s a fat fucker, you know, and he’s wheezing kind of like he’s been running but I know it’s just because he’s fucking pissed off and he thinks he’s going to fuck me in my ass. He thinks he’s going to hold his fucking gun on me and rape me. All I can do bro’ is just squeeze my cheeks and get ready to kick the fucker as much as I can until I’m dead or he gives up. Because, no bullshit little beaver, he is not going to fuck me.
So the dirty motherfucker just pisses all over me. I’m telling you he pissed on me from my shoulders all down my back and legs and around to the side and everywhere he could without me kicking him. The dirty mother fucker, man. And you’re laughing too, and I guess it is kind of funny, but if it happened to you, you wouldn’t think it was so funny.
I know I’m smiling. I know that.
So then he comes over to me and he sticks the gun in my ribs and tells me he’s going to untie me so don’t kick him or he will shoot my ass. So I let him and he leaves, you know, laughing.
I know. I know.
But then a week later I steal a pickup and I wait outside his bar and I run his ass down in the parking lot. So not only did he not get to fuck me in my ass, I paid him back for pissing on me. Now I’m the one fucking laughing.
Fucking nuts. For real, bro.
I don’t know what happened to her, no.
Terry Butler was supposed to be outside working when he wrote this. This was
more fun. Powder Burn Flash, Hardluck Stories, Hardboiled Magazine.