Why The Last Broad by Jimmy Callaway.

  When they asked Horatio why he’d done it, why he’d raped all those girls, they got no answer. They played nice, brought him coffee, a slice of cherry pie. Asked him why such a big, good-looking guy would need to take that which he could get freely, easily. Nothing. Horatio just stared above all their heads as his pie got cold.

They were about to commence beating him when a younger detective, new guy in the squad, had an idea. The older guys didn’t have much use for him since he’d transferred over from the commish’s office, but they said yeah, g’ahead.

“Horatio,” the younger detective said, “How is it we caught you this time? Why didn’t you run?”

Horatio said, “I saw something.”

The older guys all blinked. First words he’d said in hours.

“What did you see, Horatio?” the younger detective said.

Horatio took a deep breath and let it out. He looked the younger detective in the face. “I saw myself in the future. Not long from now, but definitely the future. There had been a war or a plague or something, and I was the last man on Earth.”

“Mm-hm,” the younger detective said.

Horatio said, “I was on a mesa or something. One of those plateaus or whatever, out in the desert, like in an old cowboy movie. And I looked down and there was this dust cloud, this enormous dust cloud. It was like a sandstorm, but there was no wind. I didn’t know what to do, so I just stood there. The cloud got closer and closer, and then I could see it was—it was broads.”

“Broads,” the younger detective said.

Horatio said, “Every broad on Earth. And I was the last man. And they were coming for me. Grandmas, schoolteachers, nurses, secretaries.” He swallowed. “They were all coming for me.”

One of the older guys burst out with, “They were gonna tear you apart for being a fuckin’ scumbag rapist.”

Horatio shook his head but kept his eyes on the younger detective’s face. “No,” he said, “No, they wanted—wanted to—”

The younger detective watched Horatio’s eyes fill with tears. He said, “What did they want, Horatio?”

Horatio said, “They wanted me to fuck them. They all wanted me to fuck them. Cheerleaders, meter maids, actresses, housekeepers, even the—even the little kindergarten girls pushing their dollies to market.” He did not sob, but the tears poured freely down his cheeks now. “I confess,” Horatio said, “I’ll sign whatever you need me to sign, I’ll do whatever. But you gotta keep them away from me.”

“Okay,” the younger detective said.

Horatio said, “Keep them away from me.”

The younger detective looked down at his hand on the table, drummed his fingers once, twice. Then he said to no one in particular, “Get him out of here.”

The older guys did so, without pause or comment.


BIO: Jimmy Callaway lives and works in San Diego, CA.  Please visit attentionchildren.blogspot.com for more.

20 comments:

Thomas Pluck said...

Great story, Jimmy... you really get to feel these characters, in one brief scene.

McDroll said...

Like the unexpected turn....neat little story.

Jimmy Callaway said...

Thanks, dolls.

Paul D. Brazill said...

Smart stuff, as always.

M. C. Funk said...

Brilliant, dude. A story that actually says something. That's why we do it.

That, and the perks.

Christopher Pimental said...

Always good to read when Jimmy woofs.

Chris Rhatigan said...

Man, that is one sharp story.

Benjamin Sobieck said...

I got a zombie vibe from this, but maybe that's just from staring in the dust too long.

Good imagery with the cherry pie in the beginning. Lots of analogies to pull from there, besides just the obvious one Warrant introduced to us in the early 90s.

Garnett Elliott said...

An immense dust cloud made up of . . . broads. That's the kind of stuff that makes me keep reading you, Jimmy.

BTW, there was a huge dust cloud over Phoenix this weeked. So who knows? Maybe somebody saw the light.

Benjamin Sobieck said...

A haboob of broads?

AJ Hayes said...

Hell, I don't see why the guy was so overwhelmed. I mean they didn't want to like talk to him did they? Didn't want him to go bathing suit shopping (guys, don't EVER do that). You know, Callaway, you just might have a future in this writing gag someday. (no matter what Converse says)

David Barber said...

You created a lot of atmosphere in this well written short, Jimmy. Also, it read like it could be a much bigger piece so you know where to send it if you ever decide to expand on it.

David Barber said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sean Patrick Reardon said...

Entertaining and well written. Can't ask for more.

Glenn Gray said...

Good one, Jimmy.

AC said...

I think Horatio was just lazy.

Jaie D. Maclane said...

Wait. What. Only one guy left on the earth? That shouldn't be a guy's worst nightmare. It should be mine. Though knowing my luck he'll have syphilis or some shit. Fuck, I can never win.

Trey R. Barker said...

Well done. An amazing word economy.

William Dylan Powell said...

Awesome piece.

Meter maids *shiver*

Bill Baber said...

nice tale... very vivid characters.